So there I was this morning in the gym, having finally run out of excuses, struggling my way through a fairly basic workout. Whilst I balanced on all fours doing my hip extensions and my best impression of a dog peeing against a lamppost, I couldn’t help but wonder: even if I spent all day, every day, doing these exercises, could my bum ever look like a Brazilian bottom?
Oh, the infamous Brazilian bottom. It’s no myth, trust me – I’ve seen many! It’s proportionately big, round and defies gravity by its pertness. Even as a girl who doesn’t normally while away her days by checking out other ladies’ rear ends, the Brazilian bottom kind of sticks out in a way that is hard not to notice. It’s really no surprise that Brazilian women are famed for it the world over, clad in the teensiest bikinis.
Sadly, it doesn’t seem to be something in the water, or the diet, as my skinny girl bottom has remained as small and flat as always since moving here. It’s true that Brazil ranks 4th in the world for countries with the most plastic surgeries per person. In fact, according to the Economist, there are seven times more buttock operations in Brazil than the top-25 country average. Clearly, the pressure to live up to the reputation is immense. Either that or those damn bikinis make everyone so nervous they go running to the nearest plastic surgeon! (I’ll never forget the first time my husband saw a traditional, average-sized British bikini. He laughed so much, anyone would’ve thought I’d showed him a pair of massive granny pants!).
When I googled butt implants, which I don’t suggest you do, I was reminded of the video that went viral last year about the woman whose butt implant supposedly flipped round the wrong way (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2239722/Video-butt-implant-surgery-goes-horribly-wrong.html). Well, that’s enough to put anyone off their pão de queijo, surely?
There’s even been an influx of bottom-enhancing underwear and clothing on the market in the UK recently, all promising to give you a Pippa Middleton derrière (let’s face it, going from Kate Moss to Kim Kardashian would be a tad ridiculous). For example, how do you fancy a pair of padded bum booster knickers?
As lovely as they look, I think I’ll stick to my squats and lunges.
Anyway, to all those ladies that had the genuine Brazilian bottom handed to them by mother nature, we salute you! And we will try not to stare. 😉